You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
