why didn't you poke me back
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
