Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
