i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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