too bad you live with your parents still
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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