i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
