I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.