One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
