At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
