Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle