dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.