singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.