A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.