So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.