last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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