so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
