I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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