This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
