I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes