I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.