Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
