I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
