some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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