And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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