While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
