if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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