Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
