You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
