You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
