I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
