but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
