Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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