I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
