these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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