i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
