I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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