i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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