These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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