sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Let's paint friendship bongs
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
