you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
