We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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