omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
