...so i touched it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
