So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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