He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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