break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize