hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
