I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
