You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
