If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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