He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
