I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
