Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
