At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
