I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
