i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
