I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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