Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
