I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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