got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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