i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
