handjob tips. give me some.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
