He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
