I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
