your room smells of hookers.
And success
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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