allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
