We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
