I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
