mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
