and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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